“Sometimes it's okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.” - Yumi Sakugawa.
I had to take some time for myself…
I feel like too many times in my life, I have felt like I needed a break from something that I was uncertain of, and I never actually acted on that urge. I would stay there in the pit of uncertainty. Uncomfortable and emotionally unkempt.
In the eyes of the world, I guess I can be this weary and indecisive girl who chooses to do what other people want instead of what I actually want. I think that's where a few people's minds went when they came across Beautifully Brokenx3. "It's not what she wants; it's what her Mom wants." (Ouch lol)
I was reading over my last blog post just before sending it in when a wave of disgust came over me. It felt familiar and was a feeling I'm not fond of. "Why are you such a hypocrite?" I asked myself. "Why are you giving them advice on something you aren’t 1000% sure you believe yet? They don’t deserve that”.
That is when I decided a break was necessary. A hiatus if you will. It was time to stop glorifying these split up and scattered ideas I had adopted about myself for 25 years and actually dive in. Who is Haleigh Hubbard? What does she love? What does she hate? What inspires her?
Now.. I wish I could say in just a few months I was able to find all of the answers to said questions, but as you know, that's not how it works. What I can tell you is that I have at least started the process of peeling back the layers of this onion of a person I am. (Yes, I had to use your favorite metaphor). This "self-exploration phase” I’ve enjoyed calling it has been incredibly beautiful and quite profound.
To answer my own question and reflect back on what I genuinely had to ask myself months ago. No, I am not doing this blog because that is what my mom wants. I'm so incredibly passionate about caring for people and human connection. Beautifully Bokenx3 is my opportunity to exercise and expand my understanding of those things. I can't pretend I know what you are going through. I'm going to say I probably won't offer advice worthy of a Nobel Prize. All I can do is speak my truth in ways I feel are helpful and hopefully relatable and pray it assists you along your own journey.
So what have I been doing?
Reflecting. Away from my phone, apart from the social media and constant comparison bonus deal it comes with. I’ve been praying. Mainly for other people’s lives instead of my own for a change. Connecting. Learning. Exploring.
I'm hopeful for some amazing content for you. I can't promise you it will be weekly. Even bi-weekly. Just know, believe, FEEL this... I’m back. (dun dun dun… ;))