“It is a blessing when a waiting soul and a waiting God meet each other.” – Andrew Murray
Reading one of my favorite devotionals this morning by Julie King of Arise and East-West Ministries, I was stopped in my tracks as I read the sentence above by Andrew Murray in Waiting on God.
I immediately recalled a season in my life when I was reeling from the rejection of adultery. A time I felt small and invisible. I felt like I wasn't enough, or maybe I was too much. I felt empty and desperate to be chosen. I believed a man could fill my void.
I longed for a man to answer my question, “Am I enough?” for years. I was seeking in all the wrong places. One morning, I woke up knowing the man I had been with the night before had answered with a clear “no.” Weary of feeling alone and dismissed, dirty. I hated the self-loathing I knew was coming. As I looked down beside my bed, I saw my bible. It had been a while since I opened it.
Almost defiant and certainly a bit bitter, I thought, “Okay, God. Talk to me.”
I picked it up and opened to Romans 13:13. As I read, “Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality,” I sat up.
Shocked by what I had just read (as if He hadn't seen what I had been doing), I didn’t finish the rest of the verse, “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.”
I simply heard God’s gentle rebuke for the lifestyle I was living.
He wasn’t mean or disappointed. I didn’t feel condemned. On the contrary, I felt an invitation, open arms, as if He was saying, “I’ve been waiting on you, Kim.”
All I felt was the sweet nudge to try Him and His ways again. Mine weren’t working.
It wasn’t long after that morning that I tried Bent Tree Bible. A church I write about in my book, Beautifully Broken. A place my life and heart radically transformed over time.
What a good, good Father.
What a patient and merciful God.
Today, I was reminded of the years my mess and sin, my searching in all the wrong places, led to such an empty, desperate place. I was waiting for God, and I didn’t even know it.
How patiently God waited for me. He was faithful. Never leaving me, never forsaking me, and never condemning me. He just waited for me to choose Him.
Today, nothing is more important to me than walking with God. I chase after Him every single day. He has faithfully satisfied every desire I have. He’s answered all of my questions, and I still question. I still get off track. I still have to ask Him to show me where my thinking is off. Where am I believing a lie?
What in my life and heart needs to change?
Sweet Ones, NOTHING on, or in, this earth will fill that void or answer your deepest questions. That feeling of not being enough or the longing to be adored. To feel accepted and understood. To be held. When we seek it outside of Christ, it WILL fail us sooner or later.
That man, that relationship, those people... maybe the alcohol, the drug, the food, the career, the money… none of them will satisfy.
I promise. I’ve tried it all.
What I would give to have turned to God sooner. For my entire life to be about Him.
Yet, still. He has used all of sin and mess—beauty for ashes, right?
If you’ve strayed, He is waiting.
If your heart has hardened, He is waiting.
If you doubt, He is waiting.
If you’re hurting, He is waiting.
Whatever your need or question, He is waiting.
Whatever you’re waiting on, I pray you seek Him today. I pray you ask God to show you who He is. To show you where you’ve believed a lie about Him. And I pray you ask Him to show you how much He loves you.
And then wait.
When your soul meets a waiting God, you will never be the same.
P.S. I mentioned my precious friend Julie. She is nothing short of an unashamed, passionate, faithful woman of God. She’s doing a short daily devotional for Easter. I highly recommend signing up for it here.